[Get It $20]

You can just stick it where the sun don’t shine.  With Dog-End towel holders from Slam Design you don’t have to feel bashful about poking a washcloth up Lassie’s balloon knot; what’s that girl, Timmy does it all the time? 
True, it may be a little awkward, maybe even disturbing, but it’s sure to elicit a smile every time you reach for that towel or finish with the wash cloth.  Best of all, it won’t leave a mess all over your lawn and it doesn’t require any rearing (well, that depends on how you look at it). 

This makes a great gift for any dog lover (figuratively or literally).  Butt… if you happen to be a cat fiend, be sure to check out Cat Ends; they’re just as fun as Dog Ends, but more independent. 

Includes a strong sticky pad or a screw for your choice of mounting.

Plastic. Measures 13″ tall x 5.5″ wide.

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[Get It $2,286]

Dress to impress. 

Spring time is all about looking good, and the Two Buttons Jacket from Dolce & Gabbana is the epitome of intellectual style.  The visible double stitch on this classic cut fuses tradition and vogue while dually outlining precision and quality. 
This is one blazer that will never go out of fashion; which is important considering you have to take out a home equity line in order to afford it. 
If you want to beat Ryan Philippe to the punch, then break out that Amex and pick up the jacket that will get you noticed.

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[Get It $14,000]

If I ever decide to quit Essential Gear Guide and move to the everglades the second thing I’ll do is buy the Hoverjet GT by Hovertachnics Inc. Then of course I’ll refill my prescription of stupid pills because I obviously used the entire bottle on that last decision. Seriously, unless you live in Antarctica why do you need one of these things? I’ll tell you why, because you have more money than you know what to do with, and along with reminding everyone 24 hours a day, you enjoy purchasing wanton frills that you’ll never use. I’m sure Mukesh Ambani has an entire floor of his new billion dollar house dedicated to chocolate waterfalls and hovercrafts.  If you still want the Hoverjet GT in spite of the intelligence that begot the finances of acquiring one, then you definitely deserve your trophy wife and the gonorrhea she contracted from the pool boy.

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[Official Site]

Let me preface this review by saying that anyone who found either of Burton’s Batman adaptations better than Nolan’s “Batman Begins” doesn’t meet the minimum brain cell requirement for this Blog; kindly finish your Spaghetti-O’s and log out.
Oh, and if you enjoyed any of Schumacher’s monstrosities, fear not, there may be help on the horizon.

Blah, Blah, Blah, lets get to the good stuff.  Everyone wants to know what’s going on with the latest Heath Ledger hype. Is his performance Oscar worthy or is everyone blowing it up because he passed away earlier this year? The short answer (and only answer) to this question is YES!
Yes some people are Heathcliff obsessed because this brilliant young actor has unfortunately passed on.  However, before doing so, Ledger succeeded with ferocious veracity in transforming an already iconic comic book villain into the most terrifying yet intriguing villain of ALL TIME; without a doubt Oscar worthy. 

To prepare for the role, Ledger locked himself in a hotel room for six weeks formulating the character’s voice, posture, and psychology.  He recorded the Joker’s thoughts and feelings in a diary to help guide his performance during the filming.

I ask myself, would I like this movie as much if Heath Ledger wasn’t in it?  The answer is a resounding “NO”.  He brought too much to the table.  Ledger reshaped not only the persona of the Joker, but raised the bar, perhaps too high for anyone within the superhero genera to ever reach again.  I’m the first to admit that to even find an equivalent role where someone could hope to touch the quality of Ledger’s work would be difficult, but styles and formats change, so we’ll all have to just wait to see what the future brings. 

WARNING, Spoilers ahead: Bruce Wayne is Batman!

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[Get It $115]

 
Ergotron might sound like a transforming robot from Cybertron, but it’s actually much more useful.  With the Ergotron Notebook Arm from Lenovo, you can effortlessly lift a notebook, computer monitor, or flat panel TV to a better viewing position while freeing up valuable space on your desk.

The sleek and streamlined LX is extremely easy to install, and allows one hand adjustments of your computer monitor, notebook or TV; move the screen and it stays with no locks or knobs.  Swing the screen to show a client what you’re looking at, position your laptop for use in bed, or rotate your monitor lengthwise to capture more scrolling space.  Not only does the Ergotron LX provide unparalleled range of motion, it makes your workstation look sophisticated and professional.  You can also use two arms on the same stand to optimize function and space.

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[Get It $20]

The minute you underestimate the Wee Ninja is the minute you become utterly subdued by his absolute cuteness. 
With such a simple design, this 9 inch plush packs the most adorable punch.  

Before you crumble into a pathetic mess of “ooohs” and “aahs”, you should read about the legacy of the Wee Ninja and friends at Ninjatown; just try not to be intimidated by his enemies.  

Remember, this ain’t no normal plush, Wee Ninja is a Shawnimal and that means quality. 

*If you invite the Wee Ninja into your home, for God’s sake hide your Wasabi Peas!

[Get It $7]

 
I can’t believe it’s not butter!

What better way to remind yourself that you skipped breakfast than a big appetizing notepad sitting in front of your face all day. Toast Notes by those clever chaps at Fred & Friends consists of a small post-it pad atop a squishy life like piece of toast.  It’s hard not to smile every time you jot a note on this set-up; so have fun with your post-its and individualize your desktop. Aside from the hunger cramps induced by seeing food 24/7, you’ll never regret a little extra flare in your stationery.

[Get It $9]

The most powerful action hero in the past 2 millennia!  The Jesus Action Hero from Accoutrements has posable arms, magical healing capabilities, and shoots lasers from his eyes…well not really, but if we say it long enough people will believe it. 

If your faith is really strong, you’ll want to splurge the extra 2 bucks for the Deluxe Jesus Action Hero; God that’s awesome!

With a price to die for, it’d be a miracle to keep these God forsaken things in stock.  Each hard vinyl Jesus Action Figure stands 5″ (12.7 cm) tall, comes with 3 wishes, and wheels for walking on frozen water.  Don’t think about whether it makes sense, just buy it because it’d be a sin not to.  Remember, Jesus died so you could masturbate! 

*If you do not buy the Jesus Action Figure you will burn in Hell for all of eternity.  People who bought this also considered the David Koresh and Marshell Applewhite Action Figures.

[Get It $9]

Mario and Luigi would blow their loads if they got a hold of this toy. 
The Twirling Spaghetti Fork from Hog Wild is a motorized fork that twirls at 22 revolutions per minute to wind up pasta on the end of a fork.  Unfortunately it doesn’t cook the pasta and put it into your mouth, so it may not be appropriate for the ultimate sloth. 
A great novelty for people that love spaghetti; but believe it or not, this amazing fork works just as well with Linguine, Fettuccine, and Angle Hair pasta! Dishwasher safe metal prong end.

Requires two AAA batteries

[Get It: $595.00]

Afraid of your Cam walking in on you while you’ve got your fingers jammed up a crack?
Well, if you stay true to Wild Country’s Tech Friends you’ll have no reason to worry about getting caught in a tight jam or far worse, your Cam walking out on you. Wild Country Technical Friends Cam Set has low side-to-side cam-lobe wobble and offers seamless trigger operation for the smooth climber. The color code system might seem elementary, but it makes all the difference in the world when you need to quickly identify the right piece before your crimper hold gives.

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[Get It $70]

Of all the items I’ve had a chance to review, the BreathKey by Omega Point Systems had to be one of the most fun, though if I were to even smell Patron again I would probably lose my cookies.
The Breathkey is a miniature alcohol breathalyzer that hooks to your keychain. Surprisingly it’s very easy to use; even as the night progresses. Press the button, wait when it tells you to wait, blow when it tells you to blow, and then the digital readout displays your estimated blood alcohol content; perfect for avoiding those unfortunate situations.  Extensive personal testing has shown that when the unit is used correctly (you don’t blow too hard or spit into it) it can be very accurate.  A handy device for woman that like to blow after drinking too much.

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[Get It $80]

Don’t expect a box of chocolates or extra cuddle time with this teddy, he doesn’t put up pretenses and he certainly doesn’t wine and dine. This is the perfect stuffed animal for Daddy’s little girl.
Since the first teddy bear was created after the actions of president Theodore Roosevelt, someone decided to update this classic by crafting a bear after former president Clinton. They tried with George W, but the bear already lacked a brain and the FDA wouldn’t approve a stuffed animal with cocaine. Plus, no one seemed to want a plush that would attack their other stuffed animals for no reason.

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[More Info]

Is there any other game you can feel so stupid at when you lose? 

I never understood why the standard tic tac toe wasn’t a matrix of four or five, at least that way it wouldn’t always end in a tie; of course then the game would have to be called tic tac toe te tum or something like that.  Really, the only time you ever win is when you’re challenging an infant, a downy, or Keanu Reeves.

The reflective design of this tacky game features half X’s and O’s which become “whole” once they’re placed on the board.  Definitely an interesting concept from designer Shahar Peleg.

* May cause irreversible damage to your pride

[Get It Here]

It’s not fair, why is fried food good for my car and not me?
The Greasecar Vegetable Oil Conversion System is an auxiliary fuel modification system that allows diesel vehicles to run on waste vegetable oil.  This is great if you happen to own a fast food joint or you’re just a disgusting human being that subsides on deep fried twinkies and flash-fried donuts.  Personally, if I wouldn’t put it in my body, I wouldn’t put it in my vehicle, and that’s why my car runs on pure Columbian cocaine…and you thought gas was expensive. 

If you’re considering converting that old diesel engine to a more eco-friendly vegetable oil burner, the kit will run you between $800.00 and $2000.00 depending on preferences and your vehicle’s make, model and year.  You’ll also need it installed, unless you’re a true grease monkey! 

*By using waste vegetable oils as fuel, you’ll reduce fuel costs and toxic emissions while simultaneously supporting American obesity. 

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