Personally, I’ve never been the touring bike kinda guy, I always thought that tank bags were for people that shouldn’t have a bike to begin with; of course that was before I got a chance to experience the Stack LT Tank Bag from Rapid Transit.  As universal as it is convenient, the Stacked is just flat out cool.  Waterproof orifices for audio and hydration, a cell phone pocket, and a map pouch right up front, only begin to scratch of the surface of this versatile product.     
When you don’t need as much storage space up front, the upper bag can zip completely off of the bottom bag, still leaving you with a map pouch and plenty of space for all those knickknacks.  Though the Rapid Transit Hydration Bladder is sold separately, it does have its very own home in the stack, just like everything else.

*Contrary to what you might think, the bag doesn’t get in your way, even if you yourself are stacked!

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Why would you want this?

I know, your parents didn’t give you enough attention as a child, so you use possessions to force fleeting glimpses of admiration from unassuming strangers in an atypical attempt to fill (if even for a microcosmic second) that void with something you call pride but we call pretentiousness.  In other words, you’re a rich prick.

Built by the 18 year old Ben J. Poss Gulak, the Uno is an electric vehicle that uses two microgyro-motors; one for turning and one for forward and backward movement.  You might remember the microgyro-motor technology from Dean Kamen’s Segway.  I’m a fan of Kamen because he’s from my home state and has the same birth day as myself; two excellent reasons to like someone.  Ben on the other hand named his two wheeled invention the "Uno"- nice job dumb ass, why didn’t you just call it the "tripod" or the "I’m a total douche bag".

We’re just kidding Ben, we look forward to seeing what else you have in store for the future.

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Of all the items I’ve had a chance to review, the BreathKey by Omega Point Systems had to be one of the most fun, though if I were to even smell Patron again I would probably lose my cookies.
The Breathkey is a miniature alcohol breathalyzer that hooks to your keychain. Surprisingly it’s very easy to use; even as the night progresses. Press the button, wait when it tells you to wait, blow when it tells you to blow, and then the digital readout displays your estimated blood alcohol content; perfect for avoiding those unfortunate situations.  Extensive personal testing has shown that when the unit is used correctly (you don’t blow too hard or spit into it) it can be very accurate.  A handy device for woman that like to blow after drinking too much.

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If I ever decide to quit Essential Gear Guide and move to the everglades the second thing I’ll do is buy the Hoverjet GT by Hovertachnics Inc. Then of course I’ll refill my prescription of stupid pills because I obviously used the entire bottle on that last decision. Seriously, unless you live in Antarctica why do you need one of these things? I’ll tell you why, because you have more money than you know what to do with, and along with reminding everyone 24 hours a day, you enjoy purchasing wanton frills that you’ll never use. I’m sure Mukesh Ambani has an entire floor of his new billion dollar house dedicated to chocolate waterfalls and hovercrafts.  If you still want the Hoverjet GT in spite of the intelligence that begot the finances of acquiring one, then you definitely deserve your trophy wife and the gonorrhea she contracted from the pool boy.

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Some bears have all the fun.  This soft beanbag-like bear hooks onto any seatbelt strap to help relieve any discomfort from a belt that might dig into your shoulder or “Tiddy“.  And I always thought babies and kittens had it good.

I haven’t seen this commercial on television, probably because the FCC is more concerned with a pun on the word titty, than it is of every other TV series showcasing a new method for homicidal maniacs to gruesomely dismember you.  I hope D Hoffman and Marsha Burke make millions on the name alone.

[Get It $18]

Now losing your memories is as easy as misplacing your keys!
COBY Electronics introduces the DP-152 which is code for Digital Picture-followed by a completely arbitrary number.

Normally I would be against having anything digital bouncing around with my keys because it would probably get all scratched or damaged.  But for less than $20 you can’t really go wrong, plus the DP-152 is encased in a rubbery plastic coating that can withstand a drop or two and doesn’t scratch very easily.  The 1 inch sq. screen displays your color pictures in 128×128 resolution on a static or scrolling option.  It also has a clock and calendar.  It’s small enough to not be a nuisance and with a capacity of about 60 images it makes a neat little key chain.

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Sometimes you just need things to suck, like your vacuum, your girlfriend, or your fluid evacuator. 

The Mityvac 7201 Fluid Evacuator Plus  is versatile siphon-like unit that can change from vacuum to pressure for evacuating or dispensing fluids with the push of a button. This functionality makes it ideal for draining tanks or reservoirs then pumping the used fluid out for easy disposal.
For extreme mobility, this unit utilizes a manual pump which means there’s no need for compressed air or an electrical outlet.  There are included accessories for draining engine oil, transmission or brake fluid straight from the respective dipstick or caliper.

This is especially useful for watercraft that can’t be drained without some sucking.  If you absolutely need to, you could use this on gasoline, but it will probably destroy the grommets and seals on the Mityvac. 

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Mission Two- find a better plastic’s fabricator. 

The Mission One EV electric sports bike unveiled this past week at the Technology, Entertainment, Design (TED) conference by Mission Motors is said to have a 150 MPH top speed and 100 foot-pounds of torque at any point between 0 and 6,500 RPM. 
If you’re like me, the design is just a little too space age-ish.  If you’re not like me, go have fun on your 70 thousand dollar "Blade Runner" bike and make sure to send designer Yves Behar a thank you card for making it flashy enough that everyone worth a damn will know exactly how much you paid.

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How many times have you tried opening a beer with the miscellaneous crap in your pockets? Well, thanks to Suck UK there’ll be no more beer frothing all over the place as you once again attempt to pop the cap with your lighter. We all know your friend can do it, but you can’t, stop trying.
I love cleaver things, especially cleaver things that have a purpose.  I know there’s a million bottle openers out there, but none that I want taking up real estate on my key chain. The Key Bottle Opener on the other hand is a small versatile skeleton key; it will unlock any beer.  The only major problem with this great invention is that I have a hard time opening my road beverage when the keys are hanging from the ignition.

 
 
Yesterday (September 16th, 2008), GM unveiled the production model Volt.

The Volt is an extended-range electric vehicle (E-REV), not a hybrid.  Hybrids have small electric motors that move the car at slow speeds while a gas engine kicks in on the Autobahn.  The Volt however, utilizes an all-electric 161-horsepower 45KW (100 KW peak) motor capable of moving the car from 0 to 60 in 8.5 seconds with a top speed of at least 100 mph.

The Volt’s high-voltage battery pack will get you about 40 miles after a full charge from your homes wall outlet.  I know, I know, it’s still electricity so somewhere fuel is being burned or hydrogen is being split, but it’s still cleaner than igniting that Middle Eastern octane and your electricity costs will amount to a gas equivalent of about 50 cents per gallon, so it’s a whole lot cheaper to boot.

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